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Dealing with People You Cant Stand Revised and Expanded 3/E Dealing with People You Cant Stand Revised and Expanded 3/E (Enhanced eBook) (Enhanced eBook)

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The classic guide to bringing out the best in people at their worst--updated with even more can't-standable people! "Dealing with People You Can't Stand "has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way for nearly two decades. Unfortunately, as the world becomes smaller and time more compressed, new difficult people are being made all the t The classic guide to bringing out the best in people at their worst--updated with even more can't-standable people! "Dealing with People You Can't Stand "has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way for nearly two decades. Unfortunately, as the world becomes smaller and time more compressed, new difficult people are being made all the time. So Kirschner and Brinkman have updated their global bestseller to help you wring positive results from even the most twisted interactions you're likely to experience today. Learn how to get things done and get along when you're dealing with people who have the uncanny ability to sabotage, derail, and interfere with your plans, needs, and wants. Learn how to: Use sophisticated listening techniques to unlock the doors to people's minds, hearts, and deepest needs Apply "take-charge" skills that turn conflict into cooperation by reducing the differences between people Transform the destructive behavior of Tanks, Snipers, Know-It-Alls, Whiners, Martyrs, Meddlers, and other difficult types of people Whether you're dealing with a coworker trying to take credit for your work, a distant family member who knows no personal bounds, or a loud cell phone talker on line at the grocery store, "Dealing with People You""Can't Stand "gives you the tools for bringing out the best in people at their worst.


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The classic guide to bringing out the best in people at their worst--updated with even more can't-standable people! "Dealing with People You Can't Stand "has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way for nearly two decades. Unfortunately, as the world becomes smaller and time more compressed, new difficult people are being made all the t The classic guide to bringing out the best in people at their worst--updated with even more can't-standable people! "Dealing with People You Can't Stand "has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way for nearly two decades. Unfortunately, as the world becomes smaller and time more compressed, new difficult people are being made all the time. So Kirschner and Brinkman have updated their global bestseller to help you wring positive results from even the most twisted interactions you're likely to experience today. Learn how to get things done and get along when you're dealing with people who have the uncanny ability to sabotage, derail, and interfere with your plans, needs, and wants. Learn how to: Use sophisticated listening techniques to unlock the doors to people's minds, hearts, and deepest needs Apply "take-charge" skills that turn conflict into cooperation by reducing the differences between people Transform the destructive behavior of Tanks, Snipers, Know-It-Alls, Whiners, Martyrs, Meddlers, and other difficult types of people Whether you're dealing with a coworker trying to take credit for your work, a distant family member who knows no personal bounds, or a loud cell phone talker on line at the grocery store, "Dealing with People You""Can't Stand "gives you the tools for bringing out the best in people at their worst.

30 review for Dealing with People You Cant Stand Revised and Expanded 3/E Dealing with People You Cant Stand Revised and Expanded 3/E (Enhanced eBook) (Enhanced eBook)

  1. 5 out of 5

    Brian

    This book is a Manager Tools recommendation. The concept of this book is pretty simple and straightforward: choose a person you can't stand, identify which of the 10 personality types mentioned in the book they most closely match, and follow the specific recommendations to immunize yourself against further annoyance. The 10 types listed in the book are: 1. The Tank 2. The Sniper 3. The Grenade 4. The Know-It-All 5. The Think-They-Know-It-All 6. The Yes Person 7. The Maybe Person 8. The Nothing Person 9. This book is a Manager Tools recommendation. The concept of this book is pretty simple and straightforward: choose a person you can't stand, identify which of the 10 personality types mentioned in the book they most closely match, and follow the specific recommendations to immunize yourself against further annoyance. The 10 types listed in the book are: 1. The Tank 2. The Sniper 3. The Grenade 4. The Know-It-All 5. The Think-They-Know-It-All 6. The Yes Person 7. The Maybe Person 8. The Nothing Person 9. The No Person 10. The Whiner The book is divided into two main sections. The first section focuses on communication. Specifically, around effective practices and common mistakes. Active listening, tone of voice, and other skills are highlighted here and this section is a blend of theory and broadly actionable advice. The second section of the book highlights each of the 10 personality types listed above and gives "teachable equivalent" ways to deal with them effectively. Each of the ten chapters in the section starts with a fictitious scenario that will be familiar to anyone who has worked with people (as opposed to dogs and trees). Action steps are outlined for dealing with the personality type, along with some background and reasoning for the recommendations. Finally, the fictitious scenario is revisited, this time with a resolution aided with the chapter's recommendations.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Semi-Academic Eric

    This book might tend to solidify perceptions of people and thereby keep people in boxes. However, I found some of the communication tips to be helpful. We must be careful, though, I think, to not get stuck in perceiving someone as a tank or a sniper or other type. People change. Some mental constructs make it hard to change with them.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    I originally picked this book up cheaply just because the title made me giggle, and I was curious. Little did I realise that this book is actually a hive of really genuinely helpful information! My predominant use of the techniques described in this book was in running my World of Warcraft guild - what can essentially be thought of as a voluntary team of 25 people. If it's any testement to what I learned in this book, the guild became the most successful on our server, ran for several years, and I originally picked this book up cheaply just because the title made me giggle, and I was curious. Little did I realise that this book is actually a hive of really genuinely helpful information! My predominant use of the techniques described in this book was in running my World of Warcraft guild - what can essentially be thought of as a voluntary team of 25 people. If it's any testement to what I learned in this book, the guild became the most successful on our server, ran for several years, and had a very low member turnover. I was considered one of the best leaders and still receive thank you cards even after retiring the guild in 2010! If that's what you can get out of it for a video game group...you can imagine how excellent this is for dealing with people in the workplace. Give it a try! Despite the goofy illustrations, there's some gems in there.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Andix

    - 4 types of main goals in a meeting: task solving: take a decision quickly right solution: let's analyse more people pleasing: let's ask everyone show: we take this decision but let me tell you about... - general skills in a conflict with sm: diffuse the bomb: blend in to match the behaviour (volume, language, body language) to have more in common and redirect the communication listen to understand (people want to be heard): blend in (nodding in agreement, leave the impression that you understa - 4 types of main goals in a meeting: task solving: take a decision quickly right solution: let's analyse more people pleasing: let's ask everyone show: we take this decision but let me tell you about... - general skills in a conflict with sm: diffuse the bomb: blend in to match the behaviour (volume, language, body language) to have more in common and redirect the communication listen to understand (people want to be heard): blend in (nodding in agreement, leave the impression that you understand); backtrack the information (repeat what they say); clarify by asking questions; summarize the information; confirm that what you understood is true => the person is more cooperative, understanding of the other's point of view is achieved blending in: find similarities -> conflict is inflicted by differences => reduce differences identify positive intent + standards and evaluation criteria on the others change your reactions, tone, the perspective: imagine the future when the problem doesn’t matter anymore - 13 types of difficult people the tank: pushy, aggressive, confrontational, angry, his attacks are not personal, only seeks to obtain smth ! don’t attack/ defend/ withdraw -> show opposition, gain respect • hold the ground: stay put, regain self-control • interrupt the attack: repeat his name, speak calmly and assertively • backtrack his main points, repeat the facts • find the common ground: the same intentions, future value • make peace the sniper: sarcastic, rude, makes others look stupid, teaser, attention grabber ! amused curiosity + take him out from hiding => puts the behaviour in perspective • backtrack what he says, ask searchlight questions: what are you really trying to say, what does that have to do with this => refocuses attention • command respect from him + audience • talk in private with him to solve the grudge • suggest alternative behaviour for the future the grenade: briefly calm then exploding about smth else, wants recognition ! take control of the situation, diffuse it • get his attention: call his name, raise the volume • say what they need to hear, show concern • adapt the intensity to match his when he calms down • take time away to cool down • find the pin and don’t pull it in the future the know-it-all: low tolerance for contradiction, it’s always someone else’s fault, dominates, manipulates and controls ! open his mind to new ideas, present them in an interesting way • know your stuff: no flaws, clarity • backtrack the information -> shows respect and understanding • bland with their doubts, show how your idea takes them into account • present ideas indirectly: maybe/perhaps, use plurals, use questions not statements, include his doubts in the questions • recognize he is a mentor, his merits the think-they-know-it-all: can fool people enough times, wants appreciation and attention, have just enough knowledge about a subject, exaggerates ! catch him in the act • give a little attention: enthusiasm, backtrack questions, acknowledge the intent not the content • ask for specific details with curiosity • tell the idea from my point of view with evidence • don’t embarrass him: make him an ally, threw in a different idea and suggest they are related • tell him the consequences of his behaviour + give him credit for what he did right yes person: people pleaser, unconfrontational, forgets previous commitments, over commits, makes excuses blaming the circumstances, not organized ! teach them task management, make them commit to realistic tasks that they can handle encourage honesty in a comfortable environment • teach them how to plan, prioritize • make them commit: have them summarize the situation, obtain the commitment in writing or a promise, set deadlines, present negative consequences • strengthen the relationship: describe facts, what they did right + wrong, how other people are affected, how you feel, ask them what they’ve learned maybe person: procrastinator, doesn’t seek help, doesn’t have a system for choosing between imperfect choices ! give them a method for decision making + motivation • create a comfort zone • clarify options and their impact • teach them a method for decision making -> write down pros/cons + comparisons • assure them there’s no perfect solution • strengthen the relationship, listen to their concerns nothing person: no verbal and non-verbal feedback, passive, withdrawal from conflict ! make them talk • include more time to relax yourself + them • open-ended questions, expect longer answers • use humour and guessing • show the future no person: negativistic, defeats big ideas and motivation, seeks perfection, passive, hopeless ! move from fault finding to problem solving • get specific + ask for details not generalizations • don’t try to change them, use them as smoke detectors • give them more time to change their mind • go in the opposite direction, exaggerate their negativity so they react with positivity • acknowledge the good intentions the whiner: helpless and overwhelmed, doesn’t want solutions, only to be heard, negativity, no idea how to change things helpful (often coupled with solutions) therapeutic (to release the frustrations) obnoxious don’ts agree with them => they will keep complaining disagree with them => they repeat the problem solve their problem -> you can’t ask them why the chose you to complain to dos: patience + compassion + focus on solutions ! help them reduce the feeling of helplessness + identify solutions • listen the main points and clarify them • get specific and ask for details not generalizations • move in different directions to offer them perspective -> focus on solutions • show the future • draw the line: take control, show negative consequences the judge: high standards, critical ! get defensive + don’t question the critics + dismiss the judgement • acknowledge the judgement and move on • backtrack the judgement, ask specifics • appeal the sentence, give alternatives • go in the opposite direction to what you want and exaggerate a bit • appreciate their intent and show how their critics don’t obtain the desired effect + suggest options the meddler: knows what’s best for others, seeks to manage others, no confidence in you ! set boundaries • appreciate their intentions • focus them in other directions: throw them another bone to pick • meddle with the meddling: ask them questions about their standards, have prepared answers, create diversions • negotiate boundaries: appreciate their motivation, describe the problem, the effects, let the meddler explain, set the boundary the martyr: needy giver that expect much in return, wants appreciation and to get along, makes you feel guilty ! reduce the guilt + focus on positivity • give back attention, appreciation, take their side • disrupt the guilt: ignore it or make them feel guilty for making you feel guilty, eliminate the obligation, balance the credit/ debt with that person • fix their upset: exaggerate the hopelessness, counter the frustrations • say no to unreasonable demands • recognize their positive intent

  5. 5 out of 5

    Katie

    Couldn't do it. Life is too short and this book is too stupid. Couldn't do it. Life is too short and this book is too stupid.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Jen KD

    This was a good resource filled with realistic strategies. It’s written by two doctors of naturopathic medicine. They definitely specialize in communication and behaviors! They give concrete examples of different challenging personalities people tend to fall into (grenade, sniper, tank, maybe, always says yes, my way, whiner...). They illustrate each type with scenarios, which helped me to associate the types with different people I know. Then they give strategies to help you navigate your inter This was a good resource filled with realistic strategies. It’s written by two doctors of naturopathic medicine. They definitely specialize in communication and behaviors! They give concrete examples of different challenging personalities people tend to fall into (grenade, sniper, tank, maybe, always says yes, my way, whiner...). They illustrate each type with scenarios, which helped me to associate the types with different people I know. Then they give strategies to help you navigate your interactions with these people. Most people of course fall into multiple categories depending on who they are with, work/home, etc. What’s most important is not to fixate on what category people fall into, but rather start using some tools and see if it helps you (y’all) communicate better! Two questions I grappled with were: 1. Is this a fancy guide to manipulation? 2. Will is work? I came to these conclusions: 1. If the manipulation works and it’s not harming people, then why not try it? Also, manipulation is a negative way of basically saying behavior management... which we are encouraged to use! (Shades of meaning! Discuss bossy::assertive::confident) 2. If it does work, your situation improves! If it doesn’t work, you still get to deal with frustrating people and you’ve lost nothing. “Unfortunately there will always be a few people...think of (it) as a trip to the communication gym (where) you can work out your communication muscles and communication stamina.” “You’re nobody’s victim without your permission” -Eleanor Roosevelt

  7. 4 out of 5

    Supachai Chavitranuruk

    Quite straightforward. Great words usage. Just perfect. The 10 Types of difficult people are: Tanker - Always pushy and ruthless Grenade - Explode their feeling easily Whiner - Like a screamer in LFD2 No Person - Always says "NO" Yes Person - Always says "Yes" and "Okay" Maybe Person - Decisive guy. Sniper - Attacks by using one's weaknesses Think-They-Know-It-All - Pretends to Know everything Nothing Person - Have you seen him? "Haven't seen yet" answered, The Nothing Person Know-It-All - A movable info Quite straightforward. Great words usage. Just perfect. The 10 Types of difficult people are: Tanker - Always pushy and ruthless Grenade - Explode their feeling easily Whiner - Like a screamer in LFD2 No Person - Always says "NO" Yes Person - Always says "Yes" and "Okay" Maybe Person - Decisive guy. Sniper - Attacks by using one's weaknesses Think-They-Know-It-All - Pretends to Know everything Nothing Person - Have you seen him? "Haven't seen yet" answered, The Nothing Person Know-It-All - A movable information center; the Big Data And the rest are the way to deal with these problematic people

  8. 4 out of 5

    Christie Bane

    This book is full of 5-star advice for dealing with difficult people - solid, practical, easy to follow, and effective. I marked it down a star because I felt like the example stories using cartoon animals (Suzy Squirrel??) were a little ridiculous and detracted slightly from the quality of the book over all. I mean, did the authors not know actual humans who could illustrate their points perfectly? I do! Aside from that, I highly recommend this book, and I have a ton of both experience and succ This book is full of 5-star advice for dealing with difficult people - solid, practical, easy to follow, and effective. I marked it down a star because I felt like the example stories using cartoon animals (Suzy Squirrel??) were a little ridiculous and detracted slightly from the quality of the book over all. I mean, did the authors not know actual humans who could illustrate their points perfectly? I do! Aside from that, I highly recommend this book, and I have a ton of both experience and success with dealing with difficult people, so I know what I’m talking about.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Nathan Albright

    In reading this book I was struck by a very powerful set of mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I could read in these pages plenty of commentary and tactical advice on how to deal with people who drive me to distraction, and it was without question a useful book on communication [1].  On the other hand, reading this book was painful in a sense, because it brought forcefully and unpleasantly humorous to light the fact that I am almost certainly to many people the sort of person who they cannot stan In reading this book I was struck by a very powerful set of mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I could read in these pages plenty of commentary and tactical advice on how to deal with people who drive me to distraction, and it was without question a useful book on communication [1].  On the other hand, reading this book was painful in a sense, because it brought forcefully and unpleasantly humorous to light the fact that I am almost certainly to many people the sort of person who they cannot stand, who frustrates them and drives them to distraction.  Not only is this the result of my own fairly typical prickly nature in this regard, but is an explicit aim of the book, which presents the reader with a jocular look at what to do when you are the difficult person, as I often am.  There is an implication here that those who read this book are likely far better off than ordinary humanity, not only because of the blessings that come from a life that allows one to read this sort of book for pleasure or self-development, but also because paying attention to what others tend to take for granted is the first step to growth, if not the last. In terms of its contents and structure, this book is divided into a thematic and schematic format, and contains a great deal of humorous discussion as well as anthropomorphic discussions of people in various ways.  The first part of the book introduces the reader to the types of people they cannot stand:  the tank, sniper, grenade, know-it-all, think-they-know-it-all, yes person, maybe person, nothing person, no person, whiner, judge, meddler, and martyr, and looks at the situations that bring out these particular unpleasant sets of behavior and the threatened intents that trigger them.  The second part of the book gives targeted and focused tactics on survival through skillful communication--moving from conflict to cooperation, listening to understand, reaching a better understanding, speaking to be understood, getting what we project and expect, and changing our own attitudes.   The third part of the book looks at the thirteen problematic types of person and gives ways on dealing with these people successfully through advice and humorous mock case studies, and prods the reader into reflecting on how they are the problem people in the lives of others as well.  The fourth part of the book contains specific tips on how to use the book's insights when dealing with phone and online communication. There is no question that this is a book aimed at a professional audience, in that it deals with work and most of the examples are chosen from that sphere of life.  The book does discuss how we deal with friends and in families as well, though, so the authors are clearly aware of how the principles are more widely accessible even if there is a professional focus.  Although the book was painful to read, given my own longstanding and serious struggles with communication, the book is one I can recommend wholeheartedly, although I feel it necessary to note that those readers who are as sensitive as I am are likely to find a great deal in it that reminds us of our own failings as skillful and gracious communicators with others.  As I believe that at least some painful reflection is helpful in growth, though, I still recommend the book nonetheless despite my own melancholy when I reflect on the state of communication in my own personal life as well as in the professional world in which I inhabit.  Perhaps you will feel the same yourself after you read the book, with its strong medicine delivered with a high degree of humor and lightheartedness. [1] See, for example: https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017... https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017... https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017... https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016... https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...

  10. 4 out of 5

    Kathrynn

    I liked the contents of the book, but the title is horrible and does not do the book justice. I would like to recommend the book to co-workers, but with a title like that it won't happen. The author does a good job explaining the possibilities of how other's may be thinking in order to understand where they are coming from, e.g., the bully or sniper (my favorites). The author provided tips to work with difficult people from a variety of personalities. Solid 4 Stars I liked the contents of the book, but the title is horrible and does not do the book justice. I would like to recommend the book to co-workers, but with a title like that it won't happen. The author does a good job explaining the possibilities of how other's may be thinking in order to understand where they are coming from, e.g., the bully or sniper (my favorites). The author provided tips to work with difficult people from a variety of personalities. Solid 4 Stars

  11. 5 out of 5

    Kevin Hogan

    Got this book as part of a class on the subject. It's well-written and the ideas are worthwhile. I have found it useful, and believe I will continue to find it useful. It will go on my shelf of business books that I keep at work. Got this book as part of a class on the subject. It's well-written and the ideas are worthwhile. I have found it useful, and believe I will continue to find it useful. It will go on my shelf of business books that I keep at work.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Mckinley

    Tank (confrontational) - hold ground, interrupt attack, backtrack to main point, aim for bottom line; if you are wrong: admit mistake, state briefly what you've learned, and what you'll do to prevent from happening again Sniper (hidden shots) - look at situation and backtrack, use a searching questions to probe what other is trying to say (insinuate), use tank strategy if necessary, bring up past grievances Know it all (and you're to blame) - be prepared and knowledgeable, backtrack, meet their d Tank (confrontational) - hold ground, interrupt attack, backtrack to main point, aim for bottom line; if you are wrong: admit mistake, state briefly what you've learned, and what you'll do to prevent from happening again Sniper (hidden shots) - look at situation and backtrack, use a searching questions to probe what other is trying to say (insinuate), use tank strategy if necessary, bring up past grievances Know it all (and you're to blame) - be prepared and knowledgeable, backtrack, meet their doubts and desires, present own views indirectly, Think they know it all (blame others for the attention) - give them attention, clarify specifics, tell it like it is, give them a break, Grenade (explosive) - get their attention, show genuine concern, reduce intensity, take a break, question them about what triggered them (later on) Yes (over-commit and forget) - establish trusting environment, talk honestly, help them plan, ensure commitment from them Maybe (procrastinate) - establish comfort zone, raise problems and clarify options, use decision-making process, reassure and see to follow through, build relationship Nothing (no feedback) - plan enough time, ask open-ended questions, lighten it up, guess, show the consequences Whiner - listen for main points, interrupt and get specific, shift focus to solutions, show them the consequences, draw the line No (everything is bad/wrong) - use whiner strategy, use as a resource for potential problems, prolong decision making time-frame, use polarity /opposite to motivate them, acknowledge their good intentions Judge (standards no one van meet) - acknowledge judgement and move on, back-tract to point and question, think about or state evidence, use polarity response, state their good intention and say how it's backfiring followed by what they could do that would work better Meddlers - appreciate their attention, give them a place to meddle, negotiate boundary and plan a meeting (open with positive, describe problem, talk about effects, let them reply, describe boundary, establish signal, reinforce boundary Martyrs (needy givers) - give positive comments, disrupt guilt trip (strip it, flip it, snip it, nip in bud), help reset (respond to exaggeration, counter frustration, and upgrade preferences), say no to unreasonable requests, help see behavior (problem, how defeating, other options)

  13. 4 out of 5

    Cleopatra Pullen

    How to deal with people you can't stand is something that we all have to do at some time. Usually we resort to the same old strategies which have worked in the past, albeit on a different person who annoys in a different way. I had gone through my set responses to someone I have to work closely with, I was just becoming more annoyed so I opened this book and read. This book puts people into groups allowing you to categorise the source of your annoyance and giving you tips on how to handle them. I How to deal with people you can't stand is something that we all have to do at some time. Usually we resort to the same old strategies which have worked in the past, albeit on a different person who annoys in a different way. I had gone through my set responses to someone I have to work closely with, I was just becoming more annoyed so I opened this book and read. This book puts people into groups allowing you to categorise the source of your annoyance and giving you tips on how to handle them. Important note this is all about changing your response to the annoyance, and not changing the other person. Has it worked? Well to some degree, I have been able to use some of the tips, some of the others are so far away from where I normally operate that they would feel false. I have confronted some of the behaviour so perhaps I should have read this much earlier in our working relationship. On the whole as a reference book it is excellent place to start to understand why people behave the way they do, they may simply want people to acknowledge their experience, knowledge and just like you they want to be appreciated. The book makes the following point in a number of situations; sometimes all you have to do is give people a little of what they want to get what you want. I received a copy of this book from Amazon Vine

  14. 4 out of 5

    Bridgett Ashley

    Sometimes the universe is telling you something. This book was chosen by my professional development reading group for this quarter's book. I'd never heard of it, but agreed to another member's recommendation because it sounded interesting. I always wait until a couple of weeks before we meet to read the book we've chosen, so it'll be fresh in my mind for the discussion, so I hadn't gotten around to reading it yet, when my manager decided to send me to a leadership workshop/conference. The confe Sometimes the universe is telling you something. This book was chosen by my professional development reading group for this quarter's book. I'd never heard of it, but agreed to another member's recommendation because it sounded interesting. I always wait until a couple of weeks before we meet to read the book we've chosen, so it'll be fresh in my mind for the discussion, so I hadn't gotten around to reading it yet, when my manager decided to send me to a leadership workshop/conference. The conference had an extensive recommended reading list, and *Dealing With People You Can't Stand* was on that list. As soon as I got home I picked the book up and started reading. And I'm so glad I did. I've been struggling with yes people, maybe people, no people and whiners on my team that I'm fed up with. I took over the team not quite two years ago, and I'm not kidding, another team lead asked me who I'd pissed off to get put in charge of that team. Now I've been reading every team building and leadership book I could get my hands on, but nothing gave me insight into what was going on the way this book did. I know it's not going to be easy, but at least I have a path forward now that I didn't before. I feel like I've been thrown a lifeline.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Marwa Ebeed

    It is a wonderful book, talking about different types of people .. Explain the way their behavior and reasons and how they think and how to deal with them, and it tries to help you according to your personality. The book has a lot of details that are very important and really influential in life.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Lynda

    One of the best book I read for work.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Jonas Wouters

    Good insights and useful information. Will definitely use this in the future if I struggle with dealing with certain people.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Chris Weatherburn

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Outlines how to deal with several types of difficult people, the main common theme is to trying to establish rapport with any type of person, often by listening to them and understanding where they are coming from. Has details of proposed strategies to deal with several different types of people, naming them things like grenades and snipers. Peole can generally have four different attitudes towards tasks: Get the task done Get the task right Get along with people Get appreciation from people People ca Outlines how to deal with several types of difficult people, the main common theme is to trying to establish rapport with any type of person, often by listening to them and understanding where they are coming from. Has details of proposed strategies to deal with several different types of people, naming them things like grenades and snipers. Peole can generally have four different attitudes towards tasks: Get the task done Get the task right Get along with people Get appreciation from people People can switch between attitudes but generally have a preference, it is important to try to understand the attitude the person you are dealing with has towards the task you are trying to work with them on. If somebody does something badly when speaking to them about this assume their positive intent, particularly if dealing with a 'Yes' person. Mention this prior to them prior to gathering information about why it went wrong this puts them at ease and lead to productive future discussions. The honest supportive chat helps move things forward. When somebody make snide comments, particularly in public search for the relevancy by back tracking on their comment and exploring their thought process. Repeating their comment and asking them what exactly they mean by their comment is important. This response isn't necessarily going to lead to an argument, it can sometimes make them uncomfortable and stop their sarcasm directed towards you in the future. If you encounter a whiner, shift the focus to problem solving. Back track their comments, clarify and seek common ground and objectives. Understand that some people's behaviour is driven by a need for attention and appreciation. Suggests when dealing with people on the phone, particular 'grenade types' who have an explosive personality type unleashing venom in a rant a good way to combat this is to phone them back. When you phone them back having established exact details often the time between calls can be good as this can allow them to cool down a bit. With emails it's important to not reply in haste adding fuel to fire. Suggests vomposing a response, in a different application, so you don't accidentally send this and reviewing this at least a day later. This was you provide a productive response rather than go down the route of unproductive argument. Above all think of dealing with difficult people as an opportunity to enhance your communication skills. If you want to check out more of my reviews please check out my website: www.chrisweatherburn.com

  19. 5 out of 5

    Elwin Kline

    Surprisingly, I really enjoyed this. At first I had low expectations and didn't see myself really enjoying it much... but wanted to give it a go and was 100% 'suckered' by the "Over 2 million copies sold!". Glad it pulled me in. This book categorizes 'people you can't stand' into 13 different labels with associated character traits, how to deal with them, what motivates these kinds of people based off their type, etc. The types are: - The Tank - The Sniper - The Grenade - The Know-it-all - The Think Surprisingly, I really enjoyed this. At first I had low expectations and didn't see myself really enjoying it much... but wanted to give it a go and was 100% 'suckered' by the "Over 2 million copies sold!". Glad it pulled me in. This book categorizes 'people you can't stand' into 13 different labels with associated character traits, how to deal with them, what motivates these kinds of people based off their type, etc. The types are: - The Tank - The Sniper - The Grenade - The Know-it-all - The Think-they-know-it-all - The Yes Person - The No Person - The Maybe Person - The Nothing Person - The Whiner - The Judge - The Meddler - The Martyr It's fun to align people in your life as you read through the book... for example, "Oh yea, Individual_A is definitely a sniper, especially in meetings," Or, "Individual_B is absolutely a whiner," ... "C a grenade," .. etc, etc. As stated earlier, it provides their motives such as Approval, Control, Attention, and the pursuit of Perfection. The little action plans are fun, like how to deal with a Sniper when you are put on the spot in a meeting, or had to nip Whiner behavior in the bud. All in all this book was actually a lot of fun and I took more notes that I certainly expected I would. Anyone who works in an office environment I think would really enjoy this light and fun read.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Melanie Rippon

    As with "Emotional Vampires", this uses humour and slightly exaggerated scenarios to illustrate the various personality types. Has a section on the various intents behind people's actions (get it done; get it right; get appreciation; get along with people); how the various personalities mesh with those intents and the behaviour that results when those intents are threatened. There is also a section on general communication skills that is useful for all scenarios not just dealing with problem peo As with "Emotional Vampires", this uses humour and slightly exaggerated scenarios to illustrate the various personality types. Has a section on the various intents behind people's actions (get it done; get it right; get appreciation; get along with people); how the various personalities mesh with those intents and the behaviour that results when those intents are threatened. There is also a section on general communication skills that is useful for all scenarios not just dealing with problem people. Then there is a section on each problem persona, with advice on how to communicate effectively with them, together with a chapter on what to do if YOU are the problem. The book also addresses communicating effectively via phone and email, where visual and/or audio cues are lost, thereby increasing the potential for misunderstanding. A useful book, well worth reading, and then keeping handy for referring to as needed.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Sabrina

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Very insightful reading. One of the most important parts gleaned: *55 percent of the meaning people make in any communication about feelings and attitudes is based on what they see. *38 percent of the meaning is based on how it sounds (tone, volume, and speed). *7 percent of the meaning is based on the actual words that are spoken. - Get to know all the personalities and see some in yourself as well: The grenade, the a sniper, the tank, know-it-all, think they know it all, yes person, maybe person, n Very insightful reading. One of the most important parts gleaned: *55 percent of the meaning people make in any communication about feelings and attitudes is based on what they see. *38 percent of the meaning is based on how it sounds (tone, volume, and speed). *7 percent of the meaning is based on the actual words that are spoken. - Get to know all the personalities and see some in yourself as well: The grenade, the a sniper, the tank, know-it-all, think they know it all, yes person, maybe person, no person, whiners, meddlers, judges, & martyrs. “everybody is somebody’s difficult person at least some of the time.” “Expressing your emotions responsibly instead of stuffing your feelings is better for your health and your happiness.” “100 years from now, what difference will it make?” “Whenever you tell people they are doing something wrong, they will get defensive. You minimize defensiveness in other people by giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best.”

  22. 5 out of 5

    Melinda

    If you want to accommodate annoying people, this book will help you do that, but you will have to sacrifice a lot of energy and absorb a lot of their crap in the process. Basically you have to be the patient one and approach them on their own level. This does not appeal to me, because annoying people make me angry and I'm not interested in learning how to cater to them, but how to punish them for getting on my nerves and/or discourage them from ever messing with me again. Unfortunately this book If you want to accommodate annoying people, this book will help you do that, but you will have to sacrifice a lot of energy and absorb a lot of their crap in the process. Basically you have to be the patient one and approach them on their own level. This does not appeal to me, because annoying people make me angry and I'm not interested in learning how to cater to them, but how to punish them for getting on my nerves and/or discourage them from ever messing with me again. Unfortunately this book does not teach that. My friend's mother falls into the category "The Meddler," but he found the proposed solution to the Meddler (make an appointment with them to discuss the situation, listen to them, let them meddle in unimportant things, and police your boundaries) much too difficult and emotionally exhausting.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Tree

    I read this book years ago as part of my professional development in conflict management. I didn't realize at the time how much I would need this book to help me understand the types of behavior in people I respected around me when conflict would arise. The book was fun and informative, and I learned a few things about my own communication style as well as how to communicate with some really unintelligent arguments that always seemed to turn personal. When I was done, I handed the book off to my I read this book years ago as part of my professional development in conflict management. I didn't realize at the time how much I would need this book to help me understand the types of behavior in people I respected around me when conflict would arise. The book was fun and informative, and I learned a few things about my own communication style as well as how to communicate with some really unintelligent arguments that always seemed to turn personal. When I was done, I handed the book off to my boss. I would recommend this book to anyone who has dealt with difficult people. In short, everyone. And if you can keep an open mind, you may be surprised by what you learn about yourself.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Sandy Samy

    Unexpected book , little disappointing . It need someone who have alot of time n perfectly mature n willing to listen n solve all humans problem . When u meet someone annoying in your work , u want him/her to do their job .. which might take a month n u will never see them again , u wouldnt want to spend a year to treat someone u wont interact or need them again anyway Beside , in everyday life it is hard to have patience n perfection mentioned in that book It isnt bad , it just need alot of hard Unexpected book , little disappointing . It need someone who have alot of time n perfectly mature n willing to listen n solve all humans problem . When u meet someone annoying in your work , u want him/her to do their job .. which might take a month n u will never see them again , u wouldnt want to spend a year to treat someone u wont interact or need them again anyway Beside , in everyday life it is hard to have patience n perfection mentioned in that book It isnt bad , it just need alot of hard work n patient to apply this techniques in real life Not practical

  25. 4 out of 5

    Cyndi Scheuher

    This book describes 10 different types of behaviors that people go to when they are pushed into a corner. The ten behaviors are described in detail and allows the reader to find their “difficult person“ with in one of these 10. It also allows the reader to find their own behavior when they are pushed into a corner. The book then describes skills for the reader to use when dealing with a difficult person. I Found this book to be interesting. I have not tried to use any of the skills described yet This book describes 10 different types of behaviors that people go to when they are pushed into a corner. The ten behaviors are described in detail and allows the reader to find their “difficult person“ with in one of these 10. It also allows the reader to find their own behavior when they are pushed into a corner. The book then describes skills for the reader to use when dealing with a difficult person. I Found this book to be interesting. I have not tried to use any of the skills described yet and can not speak to its effectiveness.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Ryan Spear

    Recommended to me - I realize the risk anyone takes the in posting that they are reading this as those in their network are likely to ask “ am *I* one of those people?” The answer? Yes, absolutely. Each of us are someone’s difficult person. Helpful tools - a little cheesy at times but good reminders about what I bring to my interactions with others and how I might bring out the best in them. The final section on modes of communication (in-person, phone, email) was a good reminder of the strength Recommended to me - I realize the risk anyone takes the in posting that they are reading this as those in their network are likely to ask “ am *I* one of those people?” The answer? Yes, absolutely. Each of us are someone’s difficult person. Helpful tools - a little cheesy at times but good reminders about what I bring to my interactions with others and how I might bring out the best in them. The final section on modes of communication (in-person, phone, email) was a good reminder of the strengths and pitfalls of each and how to be mindful using each.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Robert

    I enjoyed this book for the description of the personalities of awful people, most of them your supervisors at work, because I love to read about personality pathology. But the advice was a bit too wimpy for my tastes. He always advocated passive or non-aggressive solutions to everything. No doubt that makes more sense, but I am a pretty aggressive guy, even as I had towards old age. I never did calm down.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Robert

    Simple is good, simple and accurate is better. So accurate that shortly after starting I couldn't believe they were describing my boss behavior with such proximity, I felt like they knew her personally or worked with her. Amazed, I kept listening with interest and really got very good information, some of which I knew already, but it gave me confirmation. Very practical, accurate and fairly simple. Really got many helpul gems out of this audiobook. Simple is good, simple and accurate is better. So accurate that shortly after starting I couldn't believe they were describing my boss behavior with such proximity, I felt like they knew her personally or worked with her. Amazed, I kept listening with interest and really got very good information, some of which I knew already, but it gave me confirmation. Very practical, accurate and fairly simple. Really got many helpul gems out of this audiobook.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Erik Talboom

    I liked the methodical approach of the different types of behaviour and how to address each in evolutionary steps. This has helped me to learn more about my own behaviour and how I can change from the inside-out perspective. I can totally recommend the audio book, nice reading and fun to listen to while driving through traffic.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Chris

    I love this Book. Its not just for people who work in business, it's for people who breath, and have to deal with others, either co-workers, the public, or even family members. I plan on keeping this book close to me at work. Great tips and help for dealing with difficult situations, and for identifying behaviors I myself have exhibited and experienced. I love this Book. Its not just for people who work in business, it's for people who breath, and have to deal with others, either co-workers, the public, or even family members. I plan on keeping this book close to me at work. Great tips and help for dealing with difficult situations, and for identifying behaviors I myself have exhibited and experienced.

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