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Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and about Adults Abused as Children

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"Anyone who had a troubled childhood ought to read this book."--Anne H. Cohn, D.P.H., Executive Director, National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse Do you have trouble finding friends, lovers, acquaintances? Once you find them, do they dump on you, take advantage of you, or leave? Are you in a relationship you know isn't good for you? Are you still trying to figure out "Anyone who had a troubled childhood ought to read this book."--Anne H. Cohn, D.P.H., Executive Director, National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse Do you have trouble finding friends, lovers, acquaintances? Once you find them, do they dump on you, take advantage of you, or leave? Are you in a relationship you know isn't good for you? Are you still trying to figure out what you want to do when you grow up? Are you drinking too much, eating too much or trying to numb your pain with drugs of any kind? These are just a few of the problems abused children experience when they become adults. You may not realize you were abused. You may think your parents didn't mean it, didn't know better, or that others had it much worse. You may not even have made the connection between the past and your current problems. Outgrowing the Pain is an important book for any adult who was abused or neglected in childhood. It's an important book for professionals who help others. It's a book of questions that can pinpoint and illuminate destructive patterns. The answers you discover can lead to a life filled with new insight, hope, and love. "The best book available to help survivors cope and understand."--Dan Sexton, Director, Childhelp's National Abuse Hotline "An invaluable aid for adult survivors of child abuse."--Suzanne M. Sgroi, M.D., Executive Director, New England Clinical Associates


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"Anyone who had a troubled childhood ought to read this book."--Anne H. Cohn, D.P.H., Executive Director, National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse Do you have trouble finding friends, lovers, acquaintances? Once you find them, do they dump on you, take advantage of you, or leave? Are you in a relationship you know isn't good for you? Are you still trying to figure out "Anyone who had a troubled childhood ought to read this book."--Anne H. Cohn, D.P.H., Executive Director, National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse Do you have trouble finding friends, lovers, acquaintances? Once you find them, do they dump on you, take advantage of you, or leave? Are you in a relationship you know isn't good for you? Are you still trying to figure out what you want to do when you grow up? Are you drinking too much, eating too much or trying to numb your pain with drugs of any kind? These are just a few of the problems abused children experience when they become adults. You may not realize you were abused. You may think your parents didn't mean it, didn't know better, or that others had it much worse. You may not even have made the connection between the past and your current problems. Outgrowing the Pain is an important book for any adult who was abused or neglected in childhood. It's an important book for professionals who help others. It's a book of questions that can pinpoint and illuminate destructive patterns. The answers you discover can lead to a life filled with new insight, hope, and love. "The best book available to help survivors cope and understand."--Dan Sexton, Director, Childhelp's National Abuse Hotline "An invaluable aid for adult survivors of child abuse."--Suzanne M. Sgroi, M.D., Executive Director, New England Clinical Associates

30 review for Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and about Adults Abused as Children

  1. 4 out of 5

    Mary

    2nd star for the final chapter "Say goodbye to the parents you never had"....some sentences were so spot on my breath caught. However, this book is very brief and reads more like a pamphlet than a book. There is very little depth, analysis or new information. It is a simple, quick read with a rough outline of things you probably already know if you're reading this. A condensed, superficial and deeply edited narrative of what is a complex and sensitive issue. 2nd star for the final chapter "Say goodbye to the parents you never had"....some sentences were so spot on my breath caught. However, this book is very brief and reads more like a pamphlet than a book. There is very little depth, analysis or new information. It is a simple, quick read with a rough outline of things you probably already know if you're reading this. A condensed, superficial and deeply edited narrative of what is a complex and sensitive issue.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Jessica Stephenson

    3.5, but I gave it a 4 because I believe that this book serves a better purpose for select other groups of people, for obvious reasons. I came at this book from the perspective of someone who fell into abusive relationships outside of my family sphere, beginning with sexual abuse at the age of 8, to the reckless seeking of romantic relationships as a young teen, to a toxic relationship/ friendship that I've only released from my life recently, and finally, to the abusive marriage that swallowed 3.5, but I gave it a 4 because I believe that this book serves a better purpose for select other groups of people, for obvious reasons. I came at this book from the perspective of someone who fell into abusive relationships outside of my family sphere, beginning with sexual abuse at the age of 8, to the reckless seeking of romantic relationships as a young teen, to a toxic relationship/ friendship that I've only released from my life recently, and finally, to the abusive marriage that swallowed my entire early adult life, leaving me lost in my 30s with a son who also suffered at the hands of this horrible man. This book touches on the very basics of understanding abuse, and though I am at a different stage in my recovery than this book is targeting, I was still able to pull some very valuable insight from it to apply to my own understanding of my behavior. This is a great starting point for anyone who has experienced or witnessed any form of abuse in their lives and needs to seek perspective in order to get un-stuck.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Kelly

    Short and very basic.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Robin P.

    Useful in it's simplicity-- especially if accompanied with therapy. A decent primer on feelings and behaviors of adults abused as children. Presented in a straightforward manner for those less attuned to their emotions, but still relevant for who are. This is mostly just an increasing-your-self-awareness book, rather than a how-to-heal book. But basics are important, too. (Saying all this as an abuse survivor, myself.) However, the section on reasons people self-harm (page 56) was lacking and ina Useful in it's simplicity-- especially if accompanied with therapy. A decent primer on feelings and behaviors of adults abused as children. Presented in a straightforward manner for those less attuned to their emotions, but still relevant for who are. This is mostly just an increasing-your-self-awareness book, rather than a how-to-heal book. But basics are important, too. (Saying all this as an abuse survivor, myself.) However, the section on reasons people self-harm (page 56) was lacking and inaccurate. Also, since this book addresses a wide, "general" audience, it lacks even bullet points or paragraphs mentioning the intersections between abuse and marginalizations such as gender, orientation, race, class, or disability.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Christine

    Sometimes books can be so detailed and overwhelming, but this one really gets to the essence of a lot of the issues, feelings and experiences you may have and has great practical advice for what you may want to do next and what lies ahead. The chapter headings: 1. Is This Book for Me? 2. Coming to Terms with Abuse as a Child 3. Ok, I Believe It, Now What? 4. Aftereffects of Abuse 5. Patterns of Relating to the World 6. Taking Hold of Your Past 7. Say Goodbye to the Parents You Never Had A nice perk is th Sometimes books can be so detailed and overwhelming, but this one really gets to the essence of a lot of the issues, feelings and experiences you may have and has great practical advice for what you may want to do next and what lies ahead. The chapter headings: 1. Is This Book for Me? 2. Coming to Terms with Abuse as a Child 3. Ok, I Believe It, Now What? 4. Aftereffects of Abuse 5. Patterns of Relating to the World 6. Taking Hold of Your Past 7. Say Goodbye to the Parents You Never Had A nice perk is that it's really short (just 85 pages with large type), so it can be an easy place to start.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kim

    The caption for this book says thorough. It is not. The information in this "book" is general in nature and provides little detail. If you were to make the print standard type and eliminate blank pages and cartoons, it would be a pamphlet. This is disappointing. There is a wealth of information on this topic and Ms. Gil is a highly reknown therapist with experience in this area. It wasn't put into the "book". It is written in easy to understand language and could serve as a starting point. The caption for this book says thorough. It is not. The information in this "book" is general in nature and provides little detail. If you were to make the print standard type and eliminate blank pages and cartoons, it would be a pamphlet. This is disappointing. There is a wealth of information on this topic and Ms. Gil is a highly reknown therapist with experience in this area. It wasn't put into the "book". It is written in easy to understand language and could serve as a starting point.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Fishface

    VERY unsatisfying read that shares the stories of abused children who survived to adulthood, but doesn't give any sort of hope to the reader that the pain CAN be outgrown or overcome. It would be great for readers who are still in the stage of feeling totally isolated, but it would be far greater if it showed that reader the trail out of the woods. VERY unsatisfying read that shares the stories of abused children who survived to adulthood, but doesn't give any sort of hope to the reader that the pain CAN be outgrown or overcome. It would be great for readers who are still in the stage of feeling totally isolated, but it would be far greater if it showed that reader the trail out of the woods.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Daniel Stern

    I encountered this book relatively early in my healing journey and it was a profound gift. I'd been completely unaware of early sexual abuse, yet struggling in ways that suggested something untoward had happened to me. This book opened my eyes at the same time it offered solace. My recovery has taken years and continues still. Along the way I read many books, earned a graduate degree in psychology, qualified for a license as a psychotherapist and did lots more personal therapy. Yet I remember wi I encountered this book relatively early in my healing journey and it was a profound gift. I'd been completely unaware of early sexual abuse, yet struggling in ways that suggested something untoward had happened to me. This book opened my eyes at the same time it offered solace. My recovery has taken years and continues still. Along the way I read many books, earned a graduate degree in psychology, qualified for a license as a psychotherapist and did lots more personal therapy. Yet I remember with great fondness this tiny book that helped me open a door I was terrified to step through. I have a shelf full of books on recovering from sexual abuse, but this one will always hold a special place for me. For those pondering the question whether they were abused, this is a good place to begin. And please be gentle with yourself along the wa

  9. 4 out of 5

    Alexandra

    Loved how simply and clearly various communication exercises were laid out in a way that is easy to put into practice. Definitely a book to read on an ongoing basis to get the most benefit. The various chapters have very little overlap in subject matter which makes it easy to find the section you need most for various issues. Though I found that a lot of the tips could apply in more situations than the chapter they were paired with. The writing style was very accessible which made it a pleasure Loved how simply and clearly various communication exercises were laid out in a way that is easy to put into practice. Definitely a book to read on an ongoing basis to get the most benefit. The various chapters have very little overlap in subject matter which makes it easy to find the section you need most for various issues. Though I found that a lot of the tips could apply in more situations than the chapter they were paired with. The writing style was very accessible which made it a pleasure to read. A lot less jargon than most books like this which I enjoyed because it made it simple to understand without feeling like I was missing the author's point.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Jasmine

    This book delivers on the information it promises. But the problem is, it promises too little to be of much value. It tells readers how to determine if childhood abuse happened and highlights the effects it could have on an abused person’s adult life. But the reader may be expecting this book to offer guidance on improving the aspects of life that the book mentions may have been affected. It rarely does that. It focuses more on identifying problems than offering solutions. For someone looking to This book delivers on the information it promises. But the problem is, it promises too little to be of much value. It tells readers how to determine if childhood abuse happened and highlights the effects it could have on an abused person’s adult life. But the reader may be expecting this book to offer guidance on improving the aspects of life that the book mentions may have been affected. It rarely does that. It focuses more on identifying problems than offering solutions. For someone looking to understand childhood abuse better, this book will help. But if you’re looking for next-step or self-help guidance or information to support a journey forward, this is not the book for that.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Liz Macnear

    A must read! This book helps validate, further explain and define abuse and it's impact. Whether you are just starting the journal of healing or have been on that road a long time, you will find the topics thoughtful, brief and insightful. I personally found it to be a great way to provoke more internal dialogue on my own healing process and my husband felt it gave him some insight into my life-long struggle. A must read! This book helps validate, further explain and define abuse and it's impact. Whether you are just starting the journal of healing or have been on that road a long time, you will find the topics thoughtful, brief and insightful. I personally found it to be a great way to provoke more internal dialogue on my own healing process and my husband felt it gave him some insight into my life-long struggle.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Sarafina CR

    I really enjoyed this book. I recommend this book to somebody who’s just starting their healing journey with their partner or even own their own. It definitely could be longer but serves its purpose. Though it’s only around 150 pages it can take a while to read just because it can bring up a lot of emotions and thoughts if you are still working through things.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

    My therapist, who is retiring OMG, gave me her copy of this book. It is a short and factual description of the characteristics of people who have suffered abuse/neglect. Strengths and likely issues. We saw ourselves on every page. A classic reference.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Manda Jones

    I read this book while my husband and I were preparing to adopt through foster care (2008). Nothing prepares you for parenting, let alone parenting through trauma. I highly recommend it. I am a fan of first-hand accounts and learning from the past.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Ann Major

    I liked this book okay This book was 👌 ok but not great. I was looking for something with more substance. Not wonderful. My iPad keeps telling me to write more words but I can’t.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Cathy

    This book is for adults who were abused as children. I thought this book was poorly written and vague. I read this book in 2005.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Georgia

    An essential read for anyone who is trying to work through the trauma of childhood abuse.

  18. 5 out of 5

    K Grant

    A Very basic and simple introduction to the subject.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Angélica

    3.5 stars shout out to my therapist 🐹✌️

  20. 4 out of 5

    Erean Larry-Fiakpuyi

    This is a book that I recommend frequently in my therapy groups. I re-read it yearly! Excellent!

  21. 4 out of 5

    Stella

    This is a good little book for individuals to read who have endured abuse as a child, however, it in no way explores the topic in depth. As a counselor, I would recommend this to adults who are unsure if what they suffered as a child was abuse, as well as those adults who have identified that abuse indeed occurred, but are suffering from various reactions to the abuse/neglect. While this text in NO WAY takes the place of seeing a professional counselor, I believe it might bring many individuals This is a good little book for individuals to read who have endured abuse as a child, however, it in no way explores the topic in depth. As a counselor, I would recommend this to adults who are unsure if what they suffered as a child was abuse, as well as those adults who have identified that abuse indeed occurred, but are suffering from various reactions to the abuse/neglect. While this text in NO WAY takes the place of seeing a professional counselor, I believe it might bring many individuals a certain level of comfort. Gil explores a multitude of reactions to abuse while also helping the "client" determine possible avenues to healing.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Naida Potata

    Embarrassingly helpful.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Katherine

    Eliana describes the effect trauma & abuse can have on individuals and helpfully breaks it down into every day language. I like that its an easy short read and would recommend it to individuals seeking more information on the topic of trauma & abuse or for anyone in the helping professions.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Dalyn

    Great book to help begin the healing process.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Deidre

    Seemed like it was written for a child. Odd, since the book is for adults. I found it too childish to be helpful.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Willie Leathers

    Great book! It really helped me realize a lot about myself and what to do in the beginning stages to live a normal and healthy life. It is a quick read, and very well worth it!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Mandi

    this book gives hope and inspiration to overcome the pain of child abuse and its shadow on ones life.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Good book with which to begin the healing process. It's brief enough to not overwhelm. I would use it with clients. Good book with which to begin the healing process. It's brief enough to not overwhelm. I would use it with clients.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Katherine

    Good intro for clients to educate about abuse.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Gabriel Atchison

    I return to this book often in my life. It is a gentle and powerful way to work on healing around childhood abuse. I would recommend this book for anyone who struggles with past trauma.

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